Ok - so I like, love anything produced by Joey Negro. So I sampled the vocal from "Can't Get High Without You" and made it the base of this song. So that's 'fair use', right? So whatever. Anyways - think 6:45am, and you're beginning to really understand yourself, m'k? ::
"There are all kinds of pop divas: tragic-romantic divas in the Piaf-Garland-Holiday mold, ice-bitch MTV divas like Madonna and her followers, even four-octave-range total nut-case divas like Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey. But there's never been a diva clown. Divadom is a deadly serious business. You have to march through your music videos with steely resolve. A certain humorlessness—about yourself and your music—is a prerequisite for the job. (There's a reason why Madonna is Madonna, and Cyndi Lauper is doing guest spots on Deborah Norville Tonight.) However infectious her record is, Gwen Stefani may not quite be able to summon the gravitas we demand of our Queens of Pop."
:: Ho Ho Ho package :: Full Service, $250/hr. Includes Chimney scene (john gets to play Santa), lights, sleigh, and blow-up reindeer. A perenial favourite - book now to avoid disappointment!!
:: Stocking Stuffer package :: Swedish or Greek, $200/hr (blow - $25 extra, per job). Includes titilllating range of things to stuff and to get stuffed in, including pantyhose (sheer), an elf, a turkey, and, of course, a hot escort. This holiday romp ends with a wild EGG NOG RUB DOWN. Perfect for all you x-mas PIGS out there!!
:: Under The Tree package :: exact service & fee to be negotiated with your worker, real scotch pine tree, $40.00. Includes - you guessed it - hot holiday FUN beneath a real LIVE tree. Tarp & twinkly lights included. Not advisable for those with tree allergies. Slight risk of abrasion from needle foliage.
:: Santa Daddy package:: Full Service, $300/hr, can be video'd for additional $35.00. Our escort, as Father Christmas, will PLUNGE down your chimney - over & over again!!. Mrs. Klaus available for 2-somes (additional fee)
:: The Elves Are Cumming!! package:: Orgy Service, minimum 3 johns gets you 6 of our hottest elves, $1,000/hr. New this year, our Elves package is perfect for those into holiday group scenes. Each john receives a Free Parting Gift (provocatively wrapped Holiday Sex Toy pack) straight from our perverted Elves' workshop!!! Looking for something a little different from the usual boring office party? Our Elves are perfect for satisfying all your group needs.
:: Jingle Balls package :: BDSM Service, $400/hr, In calls only, costumes available on individual basis. Were you a bad bad boy this year? Well, Santa KNOWS it and feels like PUNISHING somebody!!! Our premium package, you'll spend a minimum of 5 tortuous hours locked in Kris Kringle's North pole Dungeon - if you can last that long!!
Sunday, December 12
Helpful Hints For My The Holiday.
Holiday shopping need not be stressful. I always start by making a list ::
[...and, no - contrary to popular bourgeouis belief - 'thoughts', in and of themselves, make terrible presents.]
Monday, December 6
I'm all about acting like this weekend never happened [FYI, it's called "Passive Aggressive Denial" - look it up - don't worry - books are free when you go to the library].
Here's a joke, instead ::
Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the forest one day, when she spots the Big Bad Wolf cowering behind some bushes by the side of the road....
LRH :: Why Mr. Wolf, what big eyes you have!!!!!
BBW :: [runs away to another bush, without saying a thing - LRH follows]
LRH:: Why Mr. Wolf, what big teeth you have!!!!
BBW :: [runs away, again, to yet another bush & cowers, without saying a thing - LRH doesn't let up]
LRH :: Why Mr. Wolf, what big feet you - [BBW glaring, interrupts..]
BBW :: Look - do you mind? I'm trying to take a shit.
This drama is so done.
Wednesday, December 1
Something You Can Do
With your extra PC/Mac cycles & a teeny bit 'o bandwidth. Help compute for a cure. Be a geek who actually does something useful ::