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Friday, May 30

The Anti-Fags

One of the sadder hallmarks of systemic oppression is for the tendency of the oppressee to take on the less savoury characteristics of his/her oppressor. In Gayland, such Victim Warriors are called Anti-Fags : ostensibly intelligent, invariably single & unimaginably bitter, these guys make it a point to rally against many of the 'gay' things you - the erstwhile queer party boy who's just trying to live his life - enjoy.

Bearing that cross is not supposed to be fun, you see...

Anyways, these guys totally irritate me, for a whole bunch of Fruedian reaons, and the only way I can deal with the Queer Quixotes I encounter frequently is to piss them off. Here's how ::

Have Sex & Talk About It
Oh dear. Blair isn't happy. You've just announced to him that you had sex in a washroom. You see, in one fell swoop, you've just a) objectified yourself, b) indicated that you have a "serious" (you mean, there's a "mild"version?) sex addiction, and c) reinforced the stigmitization of Men-Who-Can't-Piss-In-Public. You also didn't have sex with Blair, but this is never mentioned ....Blair's in enough pain, right?

Dance With Your Shirt Off
This makes you either cognitively impaired or a 'body fascist' (how ironic). Your body is bad. Stop touching yourself.

Cultivate a Droll, Nancy-Boy Affect
It's called 'camp', and it's based an ability to laugh at one's self, as a means of dealing with anger & anxiety without hurting others. It also completely freaks out the pious members of our team who worry, secretly & obssessively, that perhaps they have been assigned the wrong gender...gender, schmender, I say.

Make Stupid Life Decisions
How can one achieve wisdom without ever fucking up? The occaisional Shallow Episode does not abrogate my right to live, for fuck sake's.

Air Kiss
There's a SARS epidemic round these parts, ok? Maybe we were on to something this entire time.

Live For Your Social Life
Look - if anyone out there can show me something more interesting than being around other people, sign me up. Jobs generally suck, war is whack, and don't simply assume that The Meek want a) your help & b) to inherit the earth. The Blairs of the world would have us chanting & lighting candles & taking interminable walks in the park, instead.

Aspire To Political Atheism
It's your right not to care (Blair's just worried he'll be marching all by himself).

Have Female Idols
And all those appropriate Male idols would be?

Now - if we could just move on please :: listen to this - and enjoy your weekend.

Wednesday, May 28

Le Weekend

This one was good...


:: Arrived at Omar's, Rayne's & Devon's bearing wine & weed, showcased new clothes (red "house" t :: 3 thumbs up // blue & white striped flares :: 3 sets of eyes rolled upwards, in unison, towards heaven), ki-ki'd for a while, went on insane, this-can't-be-worth-it drug hunt (dealer concerned has gone on sabbatical. Huh?), ate (really), convinced Omar & Rayne to go out (blinking requires less effort), and finally arrived at club (IT). DJ downstairs was drunk, which meant Matt's sets were somewhat more eclectic than usual (I think I prefer a discernible beat when I dance.) Anyways, night ended up more focussed on trading scintillating gossip & LBOK (figure it out) with new friends (Chris & Kevin) than anything else. I was relieved to discover that most of the crap some people have spread about me is either true or perversely flattering.


:: Theme for the day? Opera Sketch. Don't laugh - nothing is more soothing to the soul than to spend 8 spaced-hours with an amazing person (Omar) whose musical tastes are exactly congruent to yours, hunting down fave arias on the internet, swapping Maria Callas Urban Legend stories (they are legion), eating Jamaican carbs (rice & peas), drinking chai (sweet), and smoking (uh...). And it was somehow reassuring to discover that Une Belle Die still makes me cry.
:: Over to C & J's for, uh, rapproachment. Everything worked out - went to FLY together - endless giggles - bizarre gay male behaviour (someone actually attempted to sing to me, mid-dance floor) - fabulous straight female behaviour (encouraged 5 straight office temps to take off their tops. They did.) - stupid security staff behaviour ( I received a "warning" - don't ask.)


:: Straight (sort of) to The Barn @09:00hrs for continuation of mayhem. The Barn is as bad as it sounds - and better. Once again/per usual, Colin and I grappled with a dance floor that always seems to tilt this way & that whenever we go there. I swear.
:: Then - without a break - we tromp off to Kensington Market to shop vintage, except this quickly proves exhausting, 'cause, as you well know, 'vintage' also means "find the clothes yourself, sweetheart - these prices aren't cheap for nothing....". I nearly passed out while in this store called FLASHBACK (go figure).
:: Sweet slumber @ O, R & D's.


:: I was sooo sick, I simply had to remain in Toronto and miss work. So, 'recovery' underway, I made O, R & D a big 'ole trucker's breakfast (pancakes, sausage, plantain chips)...the once-a-week nutritional secret of club freaks everywhere...and watched bizarre french movie, "Waterdrops on Hot Stones", or something like that...and ran out of money.


:: Oh dear - I found myself unexplainably sick, still, upon arising this morning - figured I'd hang in TO just a little bit longer - just to make damn sure I was in tip/top form for whenever I decided to, uh, work there, again, this year.

It's all about having priorities.

Friday, May 23

Now Prance ! !

Feel The Funk.

Thursday, May 22

Brad Davis Dreams

Boy Ahoy.

I had a dream last night which involved committing a felony (jewel heist) with dear Brad as my partner in crime. We ended up getting caught, thrown in jail and almost having sex. "Almost" is the operative word in this case, because Brad never had enough sex - or went far enough, to my liking - on screen.

And "almost" is never enough...

Wednesday, May 21

I Shouldn't Be In Pictures

Here is a Videoblogtm synopsis of my day yesterday - I'd like to say that, normally, I don't look this awful...that, however, would be untrue.

morning, noon & night.wmv

"...Video killed the internet star..."

Yeah, whatever.

Monday, May 19

It's All A Blur...

Visual evidence of the weekend fun that was had continues ::

a) This is Omar. Omar loves to get dressed. All the time. But especially for The Club. This picture is a little blurry...'cause Sean's hands are shaking.

b) This is Jake. Jake loves to dance. Anywhere. Even in Zamir's apartment. Look at Zamir, the guy sans shirt. Zamir is surprised...'cause he's not sure who the hell Jake is.

c) This is Jason. Jason is more fabulous than you. Way more. Don't even try...

d) These are Shai & Diva Davina. Shai is an ex soldier in the Israeli Army & works on Q.A.F. He is incredibly sweet. Diva is a Diva. She is whatever she tells you to think she is.

c) This is a re-write of an earlier tune I wrote. I did it today. Guess I was not nearly as sketchy as I thought I was. Wait a sec... I think I'm more. It's way better than the original. I have no idea what the woman/robot is saying, so don't ask me.


Is this week almost over yet?

Sunday, May 18

But Seriously, Folks....

This is the kind of stratospheric conversation my friends & I often have after a night of clubbing ::

Omar & Rob's drug advice.avi

(the clip would have been longer - if I hadn't dropped the camera..)

Friday, May 16

Girl Power

Girls sing better than boys ::

E.B.T.G. :: Tempermental.wma
Peaches :: Lovertits.mp3
Sol-I :: I Can Taste It.mp3
Alphawezen :: Gai Soliel.mp3

Anyways ...

Tonight is the White Party - no, not that White Party - @ Fly, brought to us by the community-minded folks at Bacardi Rum. So nice to know they have only our best interests at heart...

Wednesday, May 14

Over The Rainbow

Proud & in Brooklyn & on steroids = Proid

Better whip out those beads you won at the Casino last week - Gay Pride, the annual celebration of - well, I'm not really sure anymore - is set to drape Toronto with clashing primary colours in a little over a month. Sales of weekend party passes - priced at somewhat over $200 - and the requisite Stephen Sandler 'Look-Mom-No-Arms' wear have already begun in earnest, while my favourite dealer has actually requested that we submit itemized pre-orders (?) a.s.a.p. to ensure we get high enough to feel Proud. I know for a fact I'm already feeling poor.....

Here are some tips to surviving Pride in TO, if you - like 98% of the other gay men & women I know - actually dread this Circuit Party With Floats ::

:: Don't Go :: Actually, a lot of Dorothy's Friends never attend. Just remember that there probably won't be any copies of Beaches left on the shelves of your video store for that entire weekend. You can always simply sleep through the whole thing.

:: Invite your siblings :: As well as increasing the possibility of a few warm & fuzzy moments during the parade itself ("We LOVE our gay brother...YAY!!!!!!"), sisters & brothers are someone to talk to when your friends fail to appear at the pre-arranged, fail-safe meeting spot. You just need to vet, well beforehand, what they're planning on wearing that day.

:: Get asked to dance on a float :: If this materializes as someone led me to believe it shall for me last weekend, I'll receive a free party pass & some drink coupons. More importantly - if this materializes as someone led me to believe it shall for me last weekend, I'll be doing a great big public bump of K before the crowd when we hit the intersection of Yonge & Wellesley - call it a life-long goal of mine.

:: Don't even THINK about wearing 'hot pants' :: Your trainer has been lying to you...it's their job to, ok?

:: Memorize a number of effective Personal Affrimations :: Don't think you have any body image/sartorial esteem/I'm so B-list issues? Sorry - but I don't believe you. TO can test your gay mettle like nothing else, and, without some type of psychological armour, Pride festivities can leave even those of us who are normally the most confident feeling somewhat, uh, suicidal by the end of the day. Beauty in Bulk is dispiriting.

:: Do drag - at your own risk :: I am continually left in awe by those brave, brave queens who dare to wear full make-up, hair & heels during the (usually hot) day of the Parade itself. Climbing Everest seems easier. The possibility of a full, public meltdown (literally) is never far away. God be With You.

:: Sort out relationship issues before you step foot outside your place :: We've all seem them...either intense couples who are about go 'domestic' on each other right there before your very eyes, or maudlin individuals standing by themselves, ostentatiously yet quietly ( funny how they pull that off) weeping for everyone else''s happiness & their concommitant loneliness. Both types of public behaviour constitute a MAJOR DRAG for the rest of us, who are trying really hard to have a good time and, more importantly, happily sweep all such messiness under our collective rugs - before we go out. Be a sport, ok?

Have a happy Pride -

(and pray that I don't get sea-sick on the float..)

Tuesday, May 13

Blues for A Tuesday

It's freezing & wet here today - and these tunes came to mind ::

St. Germain :: Alabama Blues (Shazz Remix).mp3
Chris Nazuka :: Life Is Like A Circle (Fred Everything Remix).wma
King Kooba :: Fooling Myself.mp3
La Sandra :: 50 Ways.mp3

Monday, May 12

The People In Your Life

(Omar & Heather).....

You know you've lucked out with the people in your life when they ::

:: Could give a shit about your myriad personality defects.
:: Share cigarettes freely.
:: Shine your way - when you need it most - but didn't realize that you did.
:: Share wine freely.
:: Celebrate your arrival.
:: Perform for your digital camera.
:: Opt for Joy - always.
:: Teach you about maintaining.
:: Teach you about love.

I'm a lucky guy.

Thursday, May 8

Extremely Funky for A Thursday

More from my groove vaults ::

ADNY :: Dreaming (Jesper Remix) + (My Favourite Song at the moment).mp3
Soul Junk :: Ungst Func Slag Collision.wma
Mark Farina :: Phone Tap.mp3
Titonton Duvante :: Foreplay.mp3

Repeat after me ::

"The - Weekend - is - almost - here"

Wednesday, May 7

Music For Jennie

Here's the 2nd installment, my dear


And the third? Probably before the next change of season.....

[ - promise - ].

Tuesday, May 6

Verse by Intel

[Listening to: Sleepytime - Gus Gus - Gus Gus Vs. T-World (04:39)]

This morning, very much for now,
We are all even now.
To Presume Her Video of wanton lust and me
to her claim to you.
What toronto,
the soul doth ask a drink
divine; But might I imagine
that referendum.
Oh yeah -
her claim to
hear my
heart. And know
everything there,
is downright

The Unmitigated Gall To a hover { color: #
CC3300; } .a:tidal
Cinematically, we are all the
sensitive, artistic type - he only
runs on
the North American Life? Hmmm. More
days x + o + bump + x . Static Process ?
She must be in a
jacket. Not looking forward
to a Madonna

BlahBlog - this is what I survived. Like sampling for
the doves, the city and whispering secrets.
much I am saying. Tell
you on the way, as
promised... All this
style, with the
Parties and some more M & M's - quick before your
trauma looks good on you.

No, of course I didn't actually write that - this incredibly addictive little program (via de man), did ....it re-arranges words/phrases from your posts to produce verse. The above is comprised of 3 such "poems" stitched together, unaltered by me, apart from necessary ammendents to some non-sensical capitalization.

I mean, computers can't do everything. Yet.

Monday, May 5

You Aren't What You Wear

Recent men's wear offerings from Paris ::


Heeeeere's PAT!!!

Fabulous bone structure notwithstanding, this is just plain wrong.


Recently Laminated.

What a great jacket. Model's not too bad either - except he only runs on 'DD' batteries.

Helmut Lang

Mental Health patients are actually fairly effective on the catwalk - once you point them in the right direction.


Yohji Yamamoto

Drop by. Any time.

I'd never take this off.


Highly Gifted.

Great...but what's with the Postal Worker Footwear?


This guy is soooo Echo & The Bunnymen...

Wouldn't it be great if Dior took cheques? Like, of the postdated-5 years variety?

Yohji Yamamoto

Please come to my web page. You are utterly adorable.


Clothes may not make the man - but they sure as hell make him look better.

Saturday, May 3

Sampling for a Saturday

I have close to 10 gig's of mp3.'s - and figured I might as well start to share, a little bit at a time ::

DJ Dara :: Possession
Mr. Scruff :: Get A Move On
Handel :: Ombra Mai Fu
DJ Assault :: Disco Guitar (Remix)

I imagine that, technically, this is illegal.


Friday, May 2

My Favourite Little Person....

....and Arts 'n Crafts partner in crime, just turned 6 ! ! ! !

[here - have some more M & M's - quick - before your mom sees...]

Have I ever mentioned how much I positively relish being an Uncle?

Thursday, May 1

Music For The Professor

Sorry, Tyler - I know that took kind of a while ::


Blast it - for the full gay effect.