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Saturday, August 31

 
In case you're wondering how you stack up against all the other guys...



...you're doing just fine.

Limited exposure to this hairball can also help with the "I'm-such-as-loser-blues", but only in extreme circumstances - and it's better not to be fat.

People just seem so bi-polar today - please remember to take your medication, OK?

Thursday, August 29

 
GAY? WHO'S GAY?

Well, maybe your dog, for starters. A little offensive, but I think we're all grown-up now (besides, what harm can one little site by one little man in one little trailer park do?)

Then there's poor, pec-y Mario Lopez....umm, these are wierd...

Mario, you're stepping on the dress.

Oh-oh - looks like velour is BACK!!!

Mario's friend, Misha.

At first glance, I saw this as a reflective, evocative composition in which the themes of artist-as-god & gestalt vs realpolitik were expressed within a Formalistic context. Then I realized it was picture of Mario & His Package.

really big, huh, ya, it's, like, HUGE, whoa, watch out, gettin' BIGGER..

Here's an interesting shot of Mario with his sensitive friend, Mark What's-his-head,

Our fans are SOOO stupid.


As a strident opponent of Outing for so many years, I had no idea it could be so much fun.

You're next.


Tuesday, August 27

 
Ok, y'all can just drop the clever repartee re: watersports.

(Actually, I had a recent BF who was, how shall I say, a 'wet one'? And, like, I was supposed to do the laundry. Reason #76 why I avoid relationships).

Monday, August 26

 
I'm feeling a little brain dead today (go figure). I thought I'd let someone else do the thinking. Here are some fun & flaky sites, for the episodically dumb:

:: Some times a girl likes to feel pretty.
:: Porn for people with degrees.
:: Publisher of Fabulous Fluff.
:: Online club run by the gal who ran the sublime Jackie 60.
:: Makes you feel clever.
:: New Agey horoscopes.
:: Computer music innovators.
:: Good 'ole S.Q.L.
:: Yo.
:: Sick & disturbing.
:: There are others like you!!
:: The Interactive Vintage Experience
:: Don't let the cheezy look throw you.

I need to climb back into my oxygen tent.

sayonara.

Friday, August 23

 
I've never really gotten into serious Martha bashing. She just doesn't bug me. I rather like the Doris Day/Adolf Hitler duality of her public persona, where she initially appears to give a fuck, but, soon thereafter, reveals that she doesn't. Like when she used - on one TV segment - Christian Dior pantyhose to tie tomato vines together. Like when she tries to run over uncouth neighbours with her Chevy Suburban. Like when she defies the US Congress.

But this is too funny not to spread.....

No, YOUR bunk has the GLAZED chintz comforter, MINE has the sheets from Frette...

It came with some fun recipes;

Cell Block Salad
Serves Cell Block 28
Ingredients:
Hundred pounds of hacked, but unwashed cucumbers
hundred fifty pounds of sliced but unwashed onions and some tomato juice if available
Shovel in a lot of salt and potato peelings

Serve before the end of the month



Chicken Al La Lesbo
Serves 69
Ingredients:
leftover spaghetti
any sauce
chicken soup and any chicken scraps collected in the butcher shop
a lot of spoiled milk and puddings and any vegetables like peas which you can find

Cook it for a while until it's good and pasty. Serve in a well ventilated room


I got the above from this guy's site....

A shy girl, Dean had apparently never heard of waxing

This concept is also pretty funny - except I can't tell if they're kidding or not.

Anyways, my schedule informs me that I need to tend to my Azaleas right now, so I must go.....Garcia?!? Dig up those flower beds TOUT DE SUITE!!

Thursday, August 22

 
This guy is pushing a new way to make blogging seem more interesting. You write 100 things about yourself. Sure is fun to do - don't know about actually reading it, however.

This is my contribution. Please remember, this is only a blog.

100 things about sean

1.. Is closer than you think.
2.. Is more than you know.
3.. Is better than before.
4.. Is stronger than anybody thought.
5.. Is sadder than anybody thought.
6.. Been through more shit than anybody thought.
7.. Healthier than anybody thought.
8.. Grew up rich.
9.. Lived on the street.
10.. Taught kids.
11.. Sold drugs.
12.. Sold himself.
13.. Had boyfriends.
14.. Also been in love.
15.. Been more in lust.
16.. Been even more in like.
17.. Don't trust much.
18.. Not trusted much.
19.. Like people, just not individuals.
20.. Actually, like women, just not men.
21.. As friends.
22.. Very good cook.
23.. Very good sailor.
24.. Been stalked.
25.. Felt bad for stalker(s).
26.. Love clubbing.
27.. Love the night.
28.. Love dancing.
29.. Don't like talking while clubbing or dancing.
30.. Realized I virtually always end up doing whatever I get fixated on.
31.. Find that amazing.
32.. Wanted to be a concert pianist.
33.. Found performing terrifying.
34.. Write bimbo-house music/Work with the brain injured.
35.. Have gotten every job I've ever applied for.
36.. Was on welfare once.
37.. Was in jail once.
38.. Had my face smashed in once at the Limelight (NY).
39.. Had face wired together.
40.. Can't remember that much about it.
41.. Lived in NY.
42.. Lived in Grenada.
43.. Lived in Montreal, Toronto, Vancouver.
44.. Live near Niagara Falls, now.
45.. Visit NY often. Wouldn't you?
46.. Traveled everywhere before I was 20.
47.. Lost desire for further travel when everyone else was taking off somewhere.
48.. Found new freedom getting rid of possessions.
49.. Even clothes.
50.. Know a few famous people.
51.. Think famous people always seem to have big heads.
52.. Don't enjoy drinking as much anymore.
53.. Do everything else.
54.. Used to work out.
55.. Used to run.
56.. Do yoga - I like my body the best this way.
57.. Stopped thinking about body.
58.. Looks better because of that.
59.. Like beautiful eyes.
60.. Like shyness.
61.. Like hilarity.
62.. Can live without hysteria.
63.. Can live without dishonesty.
64.. Have never really hated. Really.
65.. Don't ever think I can never learn/change.
66.. But I know what I know.
67.. Think blogging is a good way to practice typing skills.
68.. Am myself in my blog.
69.. But don't take it very seriously.
70.. Think it's funny how some people do.
71.. Hope they're OK.
72.. Think it's amazing how there are so many incredibly funny people on the net.
73.. I've met a few.
74.. Think it's amazing how many people have an opinion to offer.
75.. I didn't think people thought that much.
76.. Think it's amazing people feel like I wanna have them psycho-analyze me.
77.. No, I don't thanks.
78.. Been to shrinks.
79.. Dad was a shrink.
80.. Shrinks suck.
81.. Love chocolate & coffee & cigarettes.
82.. Love gooey French cheeses.
83.. Love any kind of fish or shellfish.
84.. Hate milk.
85.. Am Scottish/Russian.
86.. Am atheist/Jewish.
87.. Have 2 Aunts who were in Dachau.
88.. Can make a mean Lukshon Kugel.
89.. Will not send my mother to nursing home, ever.
90.. Will take care of her when she's old. God knows, my father won't.
91.. I feel very young, even though I'm not.
92.. Am HIV negative, even though my last 3 boyfriends were positive.
93.. I am unbelievably lucky.
94.. A lot of my friends have died.
95.. I don't do funerals.
96.. I'll clean your house, make your dinner & feed your dog instead.
97.. I've learned this is the best way I can help people.
98.. I hope people - everywhere - can lighten up, light up, and laugh at themselves more.
99.. I try to everyday.
100.. I am who I thought I was going to be.


Tuesday, August 20

 
Yesterday, I totally forgot to mention my totally forgettable weekend.

FRIDAY

:: 11PM - 2AM
After doing too much sticky coke and too many sticky shooters ( "Dirty Boyscouts"), this segment involved going to an opening for a bar that will, or, rather, should close soon.... S-U-C-K-E-D. I talked to a guy there who's all ready to buy it from the current owner/idiot, and transform it into the ne plus ultra of Church Street lounges. He was so attractive it was hard to look at him.

:: 3AM - 5AM
Escaped from above, on the pretext that we needed to buy more "refreshments", when actually all we wanted to do was shake a 'lil booty, 'cus, yo, I'm down like that and in da house and, uh, whatever. Anyways, this segment was F-U-N!! Christine and I went to 5ive and Fly, we were flying...

:: 5AM - 7ish
Hung out at poor friends' brother's apartment, with among other people, a psychotic, confused, cuban stripper and his sketchy & cranky girlfriend. Lots of arguing and hissy fits. It was really quite comic, in a I Love Lucy sort of way. There was a smattering of ex's (his, not mine), street urchins, and this funny girl, who sold pot and explained (screamed) to the group how horny she was all the time - and how she can't get laid. I told her to use less lipgloss, 'cause she looked like she was drooling. Come to think of it, maybe she was...

:: 7ish - 12PM
This is the segment where I got my needs met, and it was just fine, thanks for asking.

:: 1PM - 5PM
Escaped going to GayDay at Wonderland. THAT, I have to tell you, took a LOT of work - since the whole premise of my going to the city this w/e, was to attend MayD - sorry, excuse me - that should read "GayDay". Instead, I had sole use of said friend's apartment for the day. Smoked pot, had lunch, facialized, started to think about going home, had anxiety attack...

:: 9PM -----
.....got home, continued with anxiety attack, rushed to work, realized I wasn't 'all there', strategized on how I was going to get through the night, pulled it off.

Have you noticed the stunning overall level of bitchiness these days? I don't mean private, bloggy bitchiness - like right now - but Iike, in your face, fuck you, even though we're friends bitchiness - I was blown away how positively menstrual TO was all night. People were actually snarling at each other.

Must be the smog.



Monday, August 19

 
WTF?

An old classmate of mine,

B.E.E...He never smiles in real life.

from Bennington is having another of his boring books about the rich, young & dumb turned into a movie. Normally, Brett's repeated forays into Hollywood evince nothing more than mild irritation & envy from those who knew him at school because: a) he was annoying and b) anybody can write about drugs & sex & vacant beauty, but did it really have to be him?

This time it's a little different...

Rules of Attraction, the movie, is based on the book of the same name, which Brett wrote while at college. At the time, Bret enthusiastically promoted a rumour that he was writing a scathing account of our collegiate debauchery, with particular emphasis on (and invective towards) those who ignored, shunned, slammed, or otherwise did not embrace his staggeringly dull personality. We pretty much thought it was a stupid rumour made up by a guy with with literary pretentions & no friends.

But then it was published - and therein, much to our horror/delight, were several of our names, posing as characters. Except, in a feat of literary daring, he switched the names with the personalities (i.e. Sean is actually Paul, etc. etc,), probably so that he could claim the book was a work of fiction, if he were ever, let's say, confronted in a loud nightclub in NY, which - of course - would never happen. Ever.

Well, actually, it's a total work of fiction, because Bennington wasn't anything like the soporific hell he describes (nobody did heroin there - please!! - and not everybody was clinically depressed and lots of people there were cool, creative & happy). I only knew about 2 genuine sociopaths there. It's where I first fell in love. Although I can't recall attending any classes, I really liked it overall , despite being rather rudely kicked out of the place (at the same time, ironically, as Brett's best friend, Amy H.) It was a rather good time.

So Brett, if you ever read this, why now? Do you really want everyone to know how old you are?

I mean - can't we all just..get..along?

Thursday, August 15

 
ALAN & TROY, the further adventures of....

So, anyways, our party boys - with a difference - continue their trailblazing trek through the vast wasteland called Gay Marriage. Or maybe that should read "unchartered waters", since they've elected to spend their honeymoon on a Gay Cruise! Here, for the envy of all, are some recently acquired photos & souvenirs of the absolutely fabu (Troy's new favorite word) time they're having ...

Airline travel can be so much fun...just look at the free t-shirt Alan got from that cute steward who was working first class...

size 2, kinda tight, but definitely not tooo slutty.

Well, anyhow, A & T's agent got them a really great great deal - only problem was, the cruise would leave from Namibia, a country which was, like........uh, where?.......When asked about it, all Troy said was "It was beyond tired." I found this map, to help us get our bearings,

Alan!!!!! I HATE it HATE it HATE it HATE it HATE it HATE it HATE it HATE it..

Once they laid eyes on their boat, their mood picked up notably,

Despite Alan's protestations to the contrary, there is no Star Queen available fro charter.

Once they laid eyes on their crew, their mood became positively ecstatic,

Carry your luggage?.....Are you smoking crack?

Their assigned dining companion was a different story. Of all the cute guys on board, THEY had to get the ex-priest,

I think I look better in a wig anyways, don't you?...I couldn't STAND that stupid collar!

and this guy, Kevin something, was running around telling everybody that a) he was the cruise director of the century, and b) his CD was on sale in the gift shop,

That's A-V-I-A-N-C-E - write it down, sweetie, I'm gonna be WAY famous!

One of the more fun daily activities on board was to pick an "Ugliest Passenger of The Day", make him do something stupid, and take his picture. Nominees usually loved all the attention they received.

Wow, guys, it's so cool to hang out with you today!!...I don't look fat, do I?

Finally, here's a pic they sent of themselves on the beach, during an excursion while visiting Ibitha (Alan was particularly happy for this landfall, as he had run out hair product several days earlier)

Oh Fuck!!! That ugly guy is back with a camera!!!! Suck your gut in, quick, suck it in!!

So that's it....for now. Our boys are apparently planning a post-honeymoon bash when they get back, but it all depends on if & when Troy goes to rehab - he just can't get over how busy he is these days!!

They send their love!


Wednesday, August 14

 
Did everyone suddenly run out of Ativan or something? Jesus-Christ-on-a-cracker!!

As Freud once said:
"Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar."


Tuesday, August 13

 
Gossip is tacky, negative, hurtful, dumb, and unattractive. It reveals more about the emotional toxicity of the blabber than the blabbee. I avoid it like the plague, and hope my modest efforts on this page set a higher standard in...

Joking! Please!

So - a fellow denizen of cyber-hell let me in a bit of local news, which, although not exactly on par with mass famine in Rwanda or anything, is mildly interesting and highly amusing.

This past weekend, Two Guys - let's call them Alan and Troy - decided to hybridize two of the more regrettable themes of Gay Popular Culture,

You said the cake would be LOW FAT, Alan...I hate the way you're always making promises you can't keep!

those themes being Circuit Parties & Gay weddings. In case you're either a) not gay or b) have never been to a circuit party, here's the overall idea, in pictures,

Ok. everybody - I think I really, like, trust you guys...so here I come, catch me!

The idea is for everybody to have fun, with thousands of other guys who look exactly like you. Of course, this being a gay event, individuality is also celebrated,

We've just met!!....and he gave me this ring!!...and he has a nice apartment!!

Of course, having so many people - raving, drug crazed, happy people - in one place presents certain challenges to the organizers. Like providing toilet facilities,

Quick honey, just do it, that photographer is definitely NOT looking at us...

making sure you don't lose everyone's clothes,

Uh, no, sorry - but that's MY D & G top, honey, yours was the knock-off, remember?

and keeping undesirables out,

We just came out!!

So - where was I? - oh, yeah - "Alan" & "Troy" decided to tie the knot (well, not in the S&M sense, you perv's) at this club, in TO. This is the club on the actual wedding night,

Fly

In fact, if you look carefully, you can see the minister getting banged by 2 go-go boys beneath the DJ booth. Guests said it was (probably) a great time, but can't really remember that much.

Word has it, they used a PLANNER! - but we won't tell anyone, 'cause "Troy" thinks he's hostess with the mostest, but truth is, he's been a bit too much into the chrissy recently, and thinks the CIA is tapping his phones, meaning he's too scared to call anyone to plan anything.

We wish you life, love, and - hey, when's the next one?


Friday, August 9

 


Hey, it's a Look, OK?

Thursday, August 8

 


It's the Smiths, it's Joe Dellasandro, it's Andy Warhol. A complete entertainment package.

These lovely girls have cornered the market on complete entertainment packages. Imagine, art school grads who actually make money without having to work for Club Monaco.

I'm going dancing this weekend. All weekend. Colin, where are you?

Baby needs treats.

Wednesday, August 7

 
Hi...some loose ends to tie up:

a) go to this guy's site. He's interesting, replies to e-mail pronto, and has a knack for picking just the right accessory.
b) go to this guy's site. He's interesting, replies to e-mail pronto, and has a healthy distrust of bloggers.
c) go to this guy's site. He's interesting, never answers e-mail, probably because he's always at the bathhouse.
d) go to this guy's site. He's a good friends' brother (yo, Christine!), doesn't understand e-mail, hates bloggers, goes to the bathhouse only really late, loves the Golden Griddle.

Right now, many of our gay brothers & sistahs are chomping on the bit for the right to legally marry here in Canada. In fact, this is the issue du jour currently before Her Majesty's Supreme Court. I have nothing to add to the debate, but feel that Diane Arbus summed up the dreary reality of marriage in the following picture;

honey, did you see the hairspray anywhere?

(I wonder - if this legislation goes through, can my ex's hit me up for alimony retroactively?)

Going away for a while - see ya!


Tuesday, August 6

 
BIG NEWS..

Well, it's official - house music is dead....let me see, I think I'm having a flashback, the last time I was in NY, 3 years ago........

3 years ago when I visited "America's Favorite Danceclub" and heard the amplified CHEEZE provided by the renowned Mr. Vasquez. We're talking Whitney Houston, OK? During the course of this night, I was also photographed by security - ! - ATTEMPTING (not succeeding) to toot a few scant air-borne bumps of K in the middle of the dance floor, even though the hurricane whipped up by the 9000 overhead fans rendered this, or any other Illicit behaviour, next to impossible. The fans exist, apparently, for this very reason. Not a fun evening.

Ok, I'm back. Anyways, this L.A. Times article refers to this record company and some of the groups it manages, as makers of "electro-clash"/"techno-pop" - the new sound which is, apparently, replacing our beloved 4-on-the-floor.

New sound? Hmmm - I always thought of it as Bimbo-House...( visions of cracked-out supermodels tottering into apres-catwalk parties, or any night at the late great Jackie 60)...and think you have to be (comparatively) aged to actually "get it", what with all those musical references to Kraftwerk, Gary Neuman et al. Many disbelieving teenagers' jaws drop in awe when you reveal to them, via vinyl, the musical universe which predated compac disks.

Anyways, I love house music. The Cream, I assure you, remains at the top. Here are some recent classics (you can listen to many of them at this site. I've done enough linking for 1 day.)

"Kendal Rising" is one of my favorite moody house tracks...



You've probably heard "Life is like a Circle". If not - you need to get out more...



Miss Lady DJ (apologies to Ru)..



LOVE them..



This guy owns a rather cool store in Vancouver, and used to give an ex of mine free mix tapes
everytime we had a party (and this particular ex was a primo asshole). If you're in Van., and you happen to find an afterhours/underground party that he's spinning at, GO!!




If Crystal Waters was a DJ..




God, that sure was lengthly!!!!

ps - Thanks for all your interesting/scary letters.... But now I'm actually in need of something rather specific from you guys....I'm looking for help with the MadTracker/Impulse Tracker app's., since, well, I wanna actually produce some of the stuff I'm working on. I need help putting it all together..so,if you feel like lending a helping hand to a struggling musician who is renowned for remembering those who've helped him along the way, please write....

shalom.

Friday, August 2

 
Wouldn't it be lovely? ......Paris......







Lovelier still ........ Paris, on a lottery,

Le Ritz.

"Uh, room service? I'd like a pound of caviar, 3 bottles of Cristal, more pillows and Gwyneth's phone number - STAT!"


Just saw this amazing movie. It's like Trainspotting for gamblers.

It's probably a really good thing I don't have a lot of money.