How to Help a Friend or a Family Member with an Eating Disorder

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Where to begin?    Open your mind and suspend judgment, cynicism or doubt.   Understand that this is not an issue of vanity and try not to say things like: "Why are you doing this?"" Are you crazy?" or "Smarten up!" View the eating disorder as a coping strategy for dealing with emotions and conflicts.

                        What To Do                                                             What Not To Do

Educate yourself about eating disorders to better understand that your friend/family member may be going through and to be in a position to offer information about treatment options, programs and reading materials.
  • discussing food and weight
  • engaging in power struggles related to eating and food
  • trying to control the person with the problem

 
Be trustworthy and honest. Let your friend or family member know that they are safe with you and that you will be there to listen.
  • talking about the appearance of other women/men
  • teasing/bullying, especially concerning appearance and body shape
Be Patient.
  • putting pressure on or deadlines for treatment on your friend/family member
  • expect a fast solution or recovery
Allow the person with the problem to take responsibility for their actions and respect an individual's right to autonomy and privacy (encourage them to live their own lives, make their own decisions, develop friendships and connections.) Do not make excuses for someone's eating behaviour.
  • displaying outbursts of emotion and anger (getting angry and yelling may result in an individual feeling they are unworthy or bad.
  • being ashamed for your daughter's/son's/friend's problems
Acknowledge and act upon life-threatening situations. Call an ambulance, go to the emergency room. Reinforce the positive qualities of an individual and do not focus all attention on the eating disorder.  Expect to be faced with denial of the problem.
Be optimistic.
Focus on issues of general health and well-being, not appearance and weight by emphasizing and complimenting other characteristics besides weight or appearance.
Examine your own issues regarding weight and shape.   Suspend you own dieting behaviours (eat regular meals, shop for non-diet products.)
Set limits to the behaviours you can tolerate. Do not try to take on more that you believe you can cope with.

Be a friend, mother, father, sister or brother and do not try to take the place of a therapist.

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Feel free to send mail to nnfed@cogeco.ca with questions or comments.
Last modified: August 07, 2008