Tall Stories, Yarns and Legends. Stop here and buy one.
Pilot Officer Hythe-Ponsonby-Smythe-White skippered a Sunderland flying boat on a newly formed Coastal Command squadron based at Southampton Water when it was honoured on itís first inspection by the then Air Officer Commanding, Sir Barry Hoardburst. After inspection of the shore based installations and a spirited lunch in the mess it fell to Hythe-Ponsonby-Smythe-White to give the AOC a birds eye view of the Solent and an appreciation and feel of the new aircraft. The AOC, a very experienced pilot, took the controls after take off and under Hythe-Whites instruction was soon holding straight and level and making graceful turns under varying conditions of boost and power. After an hour of very enjoyable flying the AOC decided that to keep to the dayís itinerary heíd put the aircraft down and to Smyth-Whiteís surprise and mounting horror, turned to make an approach on the runway at Lee-on-Solent. Donít you think sir, said Smythe-White over the intercom, that itíll be a bit bumpy down there on the runway with our floats and hull and things? Full boost please replied the AOC and passing low over the threshold made a climbing turn on full power back towards the sea. After the recovery Smythe-White talked him round to the right approach and the aircraft made a beautiful sight as it touched down on the water and slowed to make way back to itís mooring. That was very commendable Smythe-White said the AOC as they unstrapped and made their way back down the fuselage, very commendable indeed. Diplomacy and initiative are not the sole preserve of senior officers Iím glad to say. Thanks for reminding me about the hull and floats and things. Iím sorry if I caused a panic. Well done, very well done. Turning as he returned Smythe-Whiteís salute he opened the fuselage door and stepped out into the sea.
From the records of unusual radio traffic released by the American Navy.
Caller 1. Please alter your course fifteen degrees North to avoid collision.
Caller 2. I am unable to comply. Recommend you alter course fifteen degrees South to avoid collision.
Caller 1. This is a US Navy warship. I say again, alter course fifteen degrees North to avoid collision.
Caller 2. Repeat, I am unable to comply. Recommend you alter course South to avoid collision.
Caller 1. This is the captain of the US aircraft carrier Nimitz. Alter course fifteen Degrees North immediately to avoid collision.
Caller 2. I am sorry, I am unable to comply. This is the keeper of HM Lighthouse Bishops Rock. Your call.
Two owls were playing pool when the first owlís wing lightly brushed against and moved a ball. "Foul" cried the second owl, "thatíll be two hits". The first owl looked puzzled and asked "Two hits to who?"
The Station Warrant Officer, a man notorious for notions of discipline, was due for retirement and attended the station medical section for his retirement medical examination, a most thorough affair. The attending medical orderly, of inferior rank and an erstwhile beneficiary of the Warrant Officerís disciplinary inclinations, began the formalities with eyesight and blood pressure tests before insistently leading the patient into a cubicle to have his temperature taken with an anal thermometer. The recipient in a suitable state of undress knelt on the bed with legs apart at the regulation forty-five degree angle to facilitate instrument insertion and waited for the orderlyís return. After some ten minutes the face of the ward sister peering in parted the surrounding curtains. Mr. March, she said, what on earth are you doing? Having my temperature taken sister said Mr. March. What! she said, with a tulip?