Mommy Wars rage in Canada

Byline: Lydia Lovric



In a recent column, I criticized Rebecca Eckler for having two nannies (a full-time nanny and a weekend nanny). I wondered why a woman who seemingly spends such little time with her child feels justified in writing a parenting column and a mommy blog.

While it is true that I do not know Ms. Eckler personally, my comments were based on a rather shocking post written by Eckler’s own hand.

“I rarely spend an entire day and night alone with The Dictator,” confesses Eckler. “The Dictator” is Eckler’s nickname for her 2 ½ year old daughter, Rowan.

“Usually, I have Nanny Mimi around all week, and we have a weekend nanny too, or The In-Laws to watch her at night, or I’m hanging out with friends with their Dictators. But it’s rare that I’m ever alone with The Dictator all day and all evening, all by ourselves.”

According to Eckler, her parents, the in-laws and even the nanny are all uneasy about leaving her alone with her child. “Really, why does everyone think I’ll kill my child, or myself, after a day spent alone with her?” quips Eckler.

If this is supposed to be funny, I’m not laughing.

Eckler admits that Nanny Mimi “makes life a [heck] of a lot easier when she’s around – doing things like putting on suntan lotion, changing The Dictator’s [poopy] diapers, giving her a bath each night, and feeding her all her meals.”

When Eckler is faced with the daunting task of feeding her own child, she writes: “I watch Nanny Mimi feed her and it’s a process that can last sometimes up to an hour. I do not have that kind of patience.”

After reading Eckler’s blog entry, I questioned how such a woman could offer other mothers parenting advice or insight. I mean, if this is your role model, you may as well put the kids up for adoption.

I don’t care if mothers do some work outside the home for income, self-satisfaction or both. But if you’re working such long hours that you require not one, but two nannies when you don’t even have to work in order to make ends meet, then yes, I think your priorities are out of whack.

For those who question my own status as a stay-at-home mom, rest assured that I only write a couple of hours per week (at night, when my baby is sleeping). I quit my radio show and I only do the occasional TV interview now.

Now, Eckler is upset with me for daring to say that she probably shouldn’t win a mommy award anytime soon. (This is the same woman who admitted to smoking while pregnant, opted for an elective c-section because she was too posh to push, and wrote an article about how she was in love with another guy – while pregnant with her fiance’s child.)

She pulled the offending post from her blog and placed a rant against me, complete with swear words and taunts that only a preschooler would use. Eckler emailed me to say that I didn’t have a right to judge other mothers.

I disagree.

Anyone who has the gall to post something on the Internet about having two nannies for one child, allowing the nannies to change virtually all of the diapers and handle all of the feedings, can’t honestly expect to avoid criticism.

Was I really supposed to pat her on the back and congratulate her for being such a cursory mother? Sorry. I’m not a mindless cheerleader.

Unfortunately, too many of us have bought into the politically correct notion that it’s wrong to judge or criticize. Sometimes, it’s bloody necessary. In fact, in a society, I would argue that citizens have a responsibility to judge and criticize when warranted.

I will admit, however, that I may have come down a bit hard on Ms. Eckler. Maybe her daughter is better off with Nanny Mimi after all.