Idiots in the world make you appreciate the kind-hearted
The Hamilton Spectator

BYLINE: Lydia Lovric

If ignorance is bliss, then why aren't more people happy?

It is astounding the number of rude people who either have no clue that there are certain social mores, or else choose to ignore them entirely. They would do all of us a tremendous favour if they packed up and moved north to Canada's tundra where the arctic chill and barren landscape may hamper their ability to offend. At least for a while.

Although this is probably a futile exercise (because rude people generally won't change or even recognize the need for change), here is my vain attempt at enlightening the unenlightened:

1. Movie theatre etiquette - Please understand that the local movie theatre is not your home away from home. Keep your feet off the back of my chair. You paid for one seat, not two. Did it really not occur to you that I might not appreciate your stinky, smelly feet in close proximity to my head? Even after I switched seats, you didn't get the hint. So my husband had to ask you to put your feet down. You wouldn't budge. So he had to scoop your feet up and toss them aside so that he could sit beside me.

Worst of all, you were a middle-aged woman -- not some immature teenager trying to act tough in front of his friends. If you want to lounge around while watching a show, stick to video rentals.

And for you oblivious parents out there, bringing young children to a late-night screening of Spider-Man 2 is probably not in their best interests, or anyone else in the audience for that matter. If a movie doesn't finish before midnight, it's a safe bet that you should have left the kids at home and splurged for a sitter.

2. Grocery store etiquette - What is it with people who think the "12 items or less" sign doesn't apply to them? I don't know if you have trouble reading and can't understand the sign, or if you have trouble with math and simply can't count. More likely, you're just a vulgar person who isn't bothered by the fact that your bad manners leaves the rest of us feeling like second-class citizens.

3. Restaurant etiquette - Be civil to the wait staff. Do it because it's the right thing to do. Or, at the very least, do it for more selfish reasons, such as self-preservation. It may make you feel good to belittle your server, but remember who has access to your meal before it hits the table. When I was single, I paid close attention to the way my date treated the waiter or waitress. Most guys know enough to be polite to their date, but if they treat the wait staff in a condescending manner, run. Same rule applies at the office. Most people will feign respect for their boss, but it's the way they treat the "little people" at work that speaks volumes.

4. Road etiquette - Just because you have a death wish, doesn't mean I do. If you want to weave in and out of traffic at excessive speeds, while chatting on your cellphone and reading a newspaper, why not save us all the aggravation and just go bungee jumping without the rope? I like my life, thank you very much. I'm sorry that you don't. But I see no reason for me to end up in a wheelchair or coma simply because you think you're Mario Andretti.

5. Cellphone etiquette - This is a major pet peeve of mine (and one of the reasons I refuse to own a cellphone). Just because you have a cellphone does not mean you have to use it every waking moment. You are not that important. And even if you are, there are vibrating models designed especially for movie theatres, restaurants and funerals. At a recent wedding, a fellow guest not only answered her cellphone during the groom's speech, but proceeded to chat away for several minutes. If you absolutely must take a call, excuse yourself and find someplace more private to finish the conversation.

Also, would it kill you to pause your meaningless cellphone banter for 30 seconds while the grocery store clerk or gas station attendant is attempting to speak with you?

Fortunately, all is not lost. There are still some good people out there. Take, for instance, the lottery winner in Japan who anonymously mailed a ticket worth $2.3 million to government officials. Rather than claiming the big prize, this kind-hearted soul wanted the money to go toward aiding flood victims. Or, my personal favourite, the story about 12 airline passengers who recently gave up their first-class seats to American soldiers returning home from Iraq. It may be a small thing -- swapping a first-class ticket for an economy seat -- but that small act of kindness restored my faith in mankind.

Perhaps there's hope for some of us yet.