Now that you are 70 it's time to stop lying about your age and start bragging just as in fishing!

A MESSAGE FROM GEORGE CARLIN ON AGEING

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than ten years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half." You're four and a half going on 5.

You get into your teens; and you simply jump to the next number. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16. Eventually.

Then the great day arrives and you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. You BECOME 21!!

Then you turn 30. What happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. What's wrong? What changed?

You BECOME 21. You TURN 30; You're PUSHING 40. You REACH 50. Then you MAKE IT to 60. By then you've built up so much speed, you HIT 70. After that, it's a day by day thing. You HIT Wednesday….

You get into your 80's; you HIT lunch, you HIT 4:30. And it doesn't end there....

Into the 90's, you start going backwards. "I was JUST 92." Then a strange thing happens; if you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half."

THE JOYS OF BEING "70"

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy won't wear out.

You get into heated arguments about pension claims.

You have a party and the neighbours don't even know about it.

You quit holding in your stomach no matter who walks in the room.

Your eyes won't get much worse.

Your joints are more accurate than the national weather service.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

Your supply of brain cells are finally down to a manageable size.

Music: Another one bites the dust!