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It just stopped raining. The ground is still wet and little Bobby runs from one puddle to the next. Every puddle seems to call "I am waiting for you". Each time Mom says "don't step in the water", Bobby feels compelled to head straight for the next one. Why?
A startling experiment conducted in a factory a few years ago may be the answer to this strange - and so common - behaviour. The sign "Don't slip" with a picture of a person falling down was posted in different locations, whether the site was dangerous or not. The results of the experiment revealed that more accidents occurred where the sign was posted than where there was no sign, regardless of the location. It seems that the sign reminded workers about falling. When the suggestion was put into their head, they were more likely to follow it. Have you noticed how your body tends to follow your head?
Words and pictures have tremendous power, whatever their intent may be. If I tell you "don't look at your fingers" or "don't think of an orange", what are you tempted to do? Our brains are inclined to cancel the negative form "don't" and to focus on the suggestion itself. Therefore we must make an extra effort to avoid performing the unwanted action.
No wonder we get such poor results when we forbid someone to do something! This is especially true with children. Being more spontaneous, they are even more sensitive to the suggestion. "Don't step in the puddle" makes the puddle irresistible to Bobby. Similarly "don't shout" and "don't spill your milk" will probably lead to a loud room with milk on the floor!
Consequently, affirmative instructions such as "walk beside me" or "hold on to your glass" are likely to be more successful. And they allow you to express yourself in a more positive way.
Whether we are talking to children or to adults, we speak too often in a negative form, and we are forced to repeat these inefficient orders several times since we are not getting any results. The next time you are tempted to give an instruction in a negative form, don't do it!! mm! let me rephrase this one: state your desire in a positive fashion. This is a great way to mind your "don'ts"!